based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
