i think i have two assholes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
