Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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