Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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