hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
