You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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