He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
