You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
