my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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