The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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