I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK