I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
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I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"