I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot