the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her