at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.