I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
