i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His nipple licking is glorious
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