Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
