Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
