I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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