you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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