Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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