Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
