1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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