They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
