i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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