was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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