people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
