You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your cock deserves a montage
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
