weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
