yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
