i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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