So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
