I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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