I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
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Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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