I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
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I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.