You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.