he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.