Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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