Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
