i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
