You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
