just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
