Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
