This is not my ceiling
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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