my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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