I am in a vortex of obligation.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
