I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
