If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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