Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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