my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
