Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
