So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
