tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
