WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
