the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
