I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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