FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
