bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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