That's intense
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
